My Top Self-Care Failures & How I Learned From Them

Are you trying to find a self-care routine or always wanted to take better care of yourself but can’t seem to figure out how? In this article, “My Top Self-Care Failures & How I Learned From Them.”

I’m sharing some of the top self-care failures that I’ve had over the last decade and the many lessons I’ve learned to enhance my quality of life and improve my overall health and wellness. 

My Rock Bottom

I had self-care failures and hit rock bottom with neglecting to take care of myself. However, these self-care failures helped me realize that I had to make my health and wellness a top priority, and my needs are just as valid as anyone else.

Growing up, I watched my Mom work two to three jobs and selflessly give up sleep to ensure her family was taken care of. While this seemed like a noble cause, when I applied the same dedication and selflessness to my own life, I realized that putting everyone’s needs before my own came at a cost. 

Stress from working a full-time job, grad school, an end of a four-year relationship, and my parent’s divorce left me emotionally drained, depressed, and physically ill.

On several occasions, I ended up at urgent care with mysterious stomach pain, rapid heart rate, and put on a massive amount of weight. Finally, my doctor was so concerned about my mental and physical health that she was prepared to refer me to an in-patient treatment center for a month to deal with my depression and referred me to a specialist to deal with my other health issues.

All of this was brought on by my lack of knowledge on properly taking care of myself and setting boundaries. Here are some of my top self-care failures and the valuable lessons to improve my health. 

Self-Care Failures

Neglecting My Mental & Physical Health 

One of my biggest self-care failures was neglecting my physical and mental health. I knew that I was stressed, depressed, but I didn’t use healthy habits to manage my stress. Instead of exercising, seeking a therapist, or surrounding myself with positive friends, I filled my sadness with food and alcohol.

The depression got worse, and I quickly gained 50 lbs which only made my self-confidence worse. Finally, the breaking point was sitting in front of my doctors, who had just diagnosed me with pre-diabetes. She sat me down and wanted to know what was going on and what she could do to help.

With a family history of diabetes, I was already at high risk. She referred me to a diabetes specialist who helped me get my weight under control and referred me to a therapist to help me with my depression. 

Neglecting My Feelings

Another self-care failure is not being vulnerable with others about my emotions. I’m sure there are plenty of people who can relate to this. Instead of turning to a trusted friend or family member, you stuff all your feelings inside.

Even though I was under the care of a therapist, there were many things that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her. I wasn’t ready to talk about some of the painful experiences that I’ve had. So one piece of advice that I have for you would be to find a new therapist that you trust, talk to a friend, or journal out your feelings.

Lettings your emotions fester inside only hurts you in the end. A book that I enjoyed and helped me learn how to embrace my imperfections and let go of the fear of expressing my authentic feelings is Brene Brown’s book “The Gift of Imperfection.” Standing in your truth and being unapologetic for your true emotions is empowering.

Working Too Much

Overworking and giving your all to your career or family seems like an honorable thing, but it doesn’t help you be a happy person. Working endless hours will only make you feel stressed, frustrated, and taken advantage of by your family or co-workers. There is a reason why companies have sick time and personal time off.

This is to give employees time to refresh and renew their spirit and prevent burnout. Scheduling vacation time, half days, or a day off here or there will give you something to look forward to and help you be a happier employee. You don’t have to spend any money or leave your home. You can have a staycation in town or have a self-care weekend at home. Check out my latest blog, “11 Staycation Essentials” for self-care ideas. 

Putting Others Needs Before My Own

I must reiterate that helping others is not bad, but putting other people’s needs before your own health and well-being is where you have to draw the line. Setting boundaries and sticking to them will help you set a positive standard for how others treat you.

Here are some of the ways to help you determine if I should agree to help someone else.

How am I feeling? Do I really want to do this? If your feeling like this will take up too much of your time or get a pit in your stomach, decline the invitation.

Do you have scheduled self-care time? If yes, so no.

What is your motive? Are you trying to score points with this person? Will it be fun? Are you clear on how much you’ll have to do for the other person? Will the other person respect your boundaries?

Can you delegate this responsibility to someone else? Is there someone that is more qualified to help you with the task?

Surrounding Myself With Negative People

Who do you spend the most time with? Are they positive and encouraging people? Or are they negative, complainers, and time-wasters? Take an inventory of the family, friends, and co-workers that you spend the most time with. Do you find yourself emotionally drained after spending time with them? This might be a sign that you need to limit your time with these individuals or cut them off completely.

Self-Care Lessons

The glorious thing about making mistakes is that you always have a chance to redeem yourself. Over the last decade, I’ve had the opportunity to learn from many experts on how to make myself a priority and to take better care of myself. The most valuable lesson is to know that self-care is always evolving and changing, so it’s important to keep learning and stay up to date on the latest tips and tricks.

Life-Long Self-Care Learner

Do you want to learn how to how to be a calmer person, meditate, and be a grounded person? Being a lifelong learner in any aspect of your life that you want to master starts by studying the greats. Reading books, blogs, watching Youtube videos, or asking a trusted expert for tips can help you develop into the person you want to be. Taking a small step to take a class, go on retreat, or attend a self-care workshop can help you to explore and find your own way to building the self-care regimen that you need. Many of us didn’t learn how to properly take care of ourselves and to create a work-life balance. One of my favorite self-care books is “The Every Day Girls Guide To Life” by Maria Menounos. I learned so many great tips on how to get organized and take better care of myself. 

Create A Self-Care Dream Team

If you could create your personal self-care dream team, who would be your starting five? Who are the experts that keep you healthy and in a positive state of mind? Here is a list of a few experts to consider placing on your dream team to provide expert emotional and spiritual support and can be 100% invested in caring for your needs.  

Therapist, doctor, dentist, massage therapist, chiropractor, spiritual advisor, strength trainer, acupuncturist, esthetician, yoga instructor, etc. Make a list of experts that you need and can call on a moment’s notice to schedule an appointment when you feeling stressed and someone to talk to. Need suggestions? Ask a trusted friend for a referral to a trained professional or do your own research to find services on your own.  Here are a few of my dream team members:

• Primary doctor
• Dentist
• Chiropractor
• Esthetician
• Spiritual Advisor
• Massage therapist
• Therapist

Schedule Alone Time Every Day

A recurring theme in my blogs is the emphasis on silence in your day. Grabbing a few moments to spend alone in solitude and stillness will have an immediate impact on your life. Find a quiet place and practice sitting still and in silence for five minutes. If you’re able to spend five uninterrupted moments to yourself this is a win. Start with these mini-meditation breaks and add a minute to each session after a week. Don’t plan to reach enlightenment after one or two seconds, but the practice of sitting in solitude will help you to recalibrate your mind and balance your energy. 

Gratitude Journal

Getting into the practice of writing down five things that you’re grateful for each morning or evening is one of the best self-care practices that I’ve started in 2020 and haven’t given up. A gratitude journal keeps your mind towards positivity and can keep you focused on joy even during rough moments. Keeping a gratitude journal and pen next to your bed and having an established time to focus on writing in your journal will create a positive habit.

Set Boundaries & New Standards

Lastly, setting clear boundaries and new standards will help you to take ownership of your self-worth and allow you to take space in the world. Raising your standards starts with treating yourself well and not allowing anyone to take advantage of you. Make it clear to your family, friends, and co-workers that you’re time and feelings matter.

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and won’t tolerate anything less. It’s up to you to define your new standards and completely up to you to enforce your new rules. This won’t be easy, but the more you practice, the better off you’ll be.

A piece of advice for saying no is to take a few deep breathes before answering. Don’t feel obligated to provide an answer right away. It’s okay to get back to them later, or you can say no.

If you enjoyed this article, please check out my latest blog, How To Live Your Best Life.