How To Get Over A Breakup
Are you getting over a breakup? I’ll show you How To Get Over A Breakup and get a fresh start in life. I know that right now, things are tough, but believe me, you’ll learn so many valuable lessons about what you truly want in a lasting relationship. There are tons of articles all over the internet about getting over your ex, and a great article on Hellobreakup.com called 20 Ways To Get Over A Breakup.
I’ve been in your shoes and know how much it hurts to let go of a relationship that you thought was right for you. In time you will find that you’ll be so much stronger than you were during your relationship. Know that this dark time will pass. It won’t last forever, and the possibility of finding a partner that can meet your needs is still possible for you.
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You're A Queen Damn it!
Get ready for a heart to heart pep talk! Your heart might be breaking, but remember these words, “You’re A Queen Damn It!” This is the first step to getting over your breakup. Don’t forget who you’re in the depth of your soul. You’re the daughter of the King, and you should be treated as such. I don’t know why your relationship ended, but I can bet that your needs weren’t met. Your ex wasn’t treating you like the queen that you are. This is not the end, and it doesn’t mean that you’ll never find another man again. Think of the possibility of having a man that treats you with respect! A man that loves you just the way you are. A man who acts like a king ready to protect his queen! That is the type of relationship you deserve!
Think about how a queen behaves and how people treat her. Did your ex treat you with respect, honor, and love? Whenever you get sad, think about your ideal man that is out there waiting for you.
Feel Your Emotion
The most beneficial thing that you can do is allow yourself to feel your emotions. Cry, scream in a pillow, and beat up a punching bag. Do whatever you need to do to get your feelings out. Feeling your emotions and confronting them right away will help you move through the grieving process faster. When I went through my last breakup, I allowed myself to feel them deeply. Permit yourself to be angry and upset for a while, but give yourself a timeline to officially end your mourning period. It will depend on the duration of your relationship.
Self-Care Is Key
You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Self-care is a must when going through a breakup, even if you don’t feel like it. Take yourself out to lunch and ask to sit in an area alone. Get a massage or go on a vacation with a friend. Make this time all about you and what makes your feel good. Take a hot bubble bath and surround yourself with candles. Treat yourself the way that you deserve to be treated. If your ex never sent you flowers, send yourself flowers! You need to build yourself up the most after a breakup, so taking care of yourself has to be your priority.
Nature Is Healing
Spending time in nature is always healing to a soul, but especially when your heart is broken. Typically if I’m getting over a breakup, the church is my refuge. However, the last time I was heartbroken, I was angry with God. I was so mad that I didn’t even want to go to church. I’m a girl that visits a church at least five days a week; some not going to church is a huge deal. Instead, I would go for a long walk on a trail near the church. I spent several weeks just walking until the pain slowly went away.
Talk About It
Talk to someone about how your feeling. Keeping all your feelings inside is a sure way to fall into depression. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or priest but talk to someone. One of the mistakes that I made was not talking to anyone about how I felt. I mean, no one! I was so upset and ashamed about the last breakup that I isolated myself from my family and friends. For weeks I didn’t answer any of my friend’s phone calls or text.
It was depressing, and it was even affecting my decisions at work. I started having problems with my memory and went to the doctor to get checked out. I was surprised to learn that lack of focus and memory problems is a sign of depression. Eventually, I went to a therapist and spoke to her about it my break up, but it took a few sessions for me to open up.
If you still don’t feel comfortable talking to someone, you can always journal about your feelings. Journaling is a great way to express your feelings and get negative thoughts out of your head.
Staying Fit Is The Best Revenge
Breakups can be depressing, but whatever you do, don’t let yourself go! Getting depressed and putting on weight or losing weight is normal for a short time, but at some point, you need to take care of yourself. Getting yourself on a workout routine will help to lift your mood and keep you looking good. Call up a friend and go for a hike, sign up for a dance class, hit the gym and lift weights, and go for a jog. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you get up and move for 20 minutes a day.
Get Focused On A Goal
Now that you have more free time, you’ll need to fill that time up with something that you love. Put all of your energy into a new goal or passion that you’ve been putting off. Have you had an idea for a business or dream of going back to college? Focus on enriching your life with positive activities. Sit down and write a list of the goals that you’d like to accomplish in the next three months, six months, and a year. My short term goal was to work out our three days a week for the next month. Start slow and know that you will have up and down days, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Establish New Dating Standards
Your relationship is over, and now its time to look forward to a fresh start. Write down everything that bothered you about your last relationship. Did your ex belittle you, yell at you, hit you, ignore you or disappear for weeks at a time? Be honest with yourself and decide what your minimum standards for dating or having in a relationship. I recently sat down and made a list of my minimum standards for dating and will share them with you in a moment. Everyone’s criteria will be different, but a good rule of thumb is to write down how you would like to be treated in your dream relationship. Here are my minimum standards for dating and relationships.
- Must believe in God
- Treat me with respect
- Kind and considerate of my feelings and feelings of others
- Chivalrous
- Have a job
- Take care of their mind, body, heart, and soul
- Have emotional intelligence
- Integrity
- Honest
- Wise with their finances
- Initiate dates and intimacy 90% of the time
- Sense of humor
- Fun to spend time with
- Great communication
- Physically attractive
Don't Look Back
Cutting all communication with your ex is essential to your healing process. That means collecting all of the photos, love letters, and other mementos and throwing them away. Detaching yourself from his energy and the memories associated with those items will help you move forward.
Unfriending your ex and his friends is critical, so you don’t get daily reminders about your past. I learned this the hard way after I broke up with my ex. I thought I deleted and blocked my ex and all of his friends. Unfortunately, I forgot one. A year after we broke up, I was on Facebook and saw a post congratulating my ex-boyfriend on the birth of his daughter. This crushed me! Even though I broke up with him, I was so upset. I tried to take the high road and wrote him an email congratulating him.
I got an email from him thanking me and that he wanted to reach out and let me know but didn’t. Well, as the hours went by, I got angry…I mean hateful, vengeful, upset, and I ended up calling him and leaving him a very nasty voicemail that I regret leaving. This throws a wrench in my healing process and set me back a couple of years. I threw myself into dating and ended up in a lot of low-quality relationships. I was trying to get validation that I was loveable from men. This was a huge mistake! It took me years to learn my worth doesn’t come from outside sources but within myself.
Work On Yourself
The end of a relationship can be traumatic. There was so much that went on in the past relationship that I didn’t share with anyone. Thankfully, I was seeing a therapist at the time to coach me through it. I did a lot of crying, and sometimes I would sit there with my arms crossed and barely spoke. At the time, I didn’t have much support, and the friends I had didn’t understand what I was going through. Having professional support can be a game-changer. It helps you connect your childhood and mindset to your decisions.
A game-changer for me was seeking advice from my priest the day after finding out my ex became a Dad. I went to mass in the morning and cried the whole time. I went to speak to my priest privately about what happened. My priest was very frank with me and told me to pray for my ex, his babies mama, and the baby. Then he said to me that I had to move on with my life. That I was the only one who was suffering from our breakup. It was like drinking poison and expecting my ex to die. I was slowly killing myself.
There are plenty of resources to get the support you need after a breakup. Therapy, group therapy, support groups, spiritual direction, and relationship coaches are just some of the ways to personal growth.
I know things are tough now, but you can get through these! Check out some of my latest articles, How Positive Affirmations Can Change Your Life, to give you ideas on what you can do to get through this rough moment in your life.
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